I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I lost the right to judge tonight
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
