Is it because I queefed?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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