I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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