Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
