Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
