It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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