Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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