Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
