I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
