It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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