Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
