so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
