I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
