butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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