I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
