I am puke
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so explain again why im purple
no
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
