The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so let's talk penis.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
