Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
how drunk are you?
Several
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
