I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
