do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
