I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
