fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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