we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My life is pants optional.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
