Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
