i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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