I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So much rum. So many feels.
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Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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