Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i out mim tonsoeep
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