New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
