how can u be prego again
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
