They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
