He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
