We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
