smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize