Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
