I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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