Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
