I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
