if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
