Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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