I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
