he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
