Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
