I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
