but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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