I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
