So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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