so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
