this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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