just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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