I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
