May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
