i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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