awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
