stop calling my apartment porn island.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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