You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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