Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
