Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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