she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
