honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
