So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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