Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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