OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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