No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
