Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
