just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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