I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
