This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
