Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have already put on my inside pants.
COCAINE IS GR8
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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