I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have demons in me.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
