8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
