she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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