it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
